December 10, 2005

blah blah blah

today's been an uneventful day. i guess it doesn't help that i've been at both ends of the energy spectrum in a matter of hours....goo. one minute i feel like going out, and the next, i'm feeling exhausted and ready to pass out.

tonight i'm going to party with the cambridge-somerville gang at jason's place in central square. that should be fun. i need to wake up. and dress up. and shower. be back in a few....

....
....
....

that took longer than expected (it's now 8:44 p.m.). i am showered and dressed, and jac straightened my hair. now it's time to hang out with friends, and have a fabulous evening....

oh, how i love the mood swings.

-me : )

December 05, 2005

it's december!

hooray for december! the end of another year is here, and the beginning of a new one is right around the corner. my favorite holiday celebration takes place in 26 days, and i can't wait to go home and see my family and friends, eat lots of good food, and hang out for a little while before i return to boston for acl surgery, rehab, and very very cold weather. brr.

speaking of cold weather: it snowed yesterday for the first time. hooray for snow, boo for cold weather. the snow that fell was nice and pretty, and it was nice to watch it from the comfort of the apartment. yesterday, jasper, dan, danny, and steve came over to watch football and hang out. that was nice. steve and dan beat jac and me at sudoku, but i'm sure there will be a rematch sometime.

thanksgiving was a lot of fun. lori, brad, naleisha, and kala'e spent the weekend in boston, and we had a great time. we cooked hamburger steak, mochiko chicken, chicken curry, spam musubi, lots of rice, a turkey (with stuffing), mashed potatoes, gravy, and a pumpkin pie! cooking the turkey was a success even though we didn't eat it, and we managed to not burn the apartment down....i'd say it was a huge success! we also had visits from kirstin, david, and joana on the saturday night after thanksgiving....wow, that was a memorable night! the weekend really made me feel like i was at home, and it was an awesome feeling. everyone carried on as if four and a half years hadn't passed: lori (and the rest of the family and jac, for that matter) gave kala'e a hard time, we cooked, ate, and cleaned all weekend, we had a lot of fun (and alcohol), and everyone can't wait for us to get together again next year! the weekend made me miss the feeling of home a bit, but since i'm going home in a few weeks, that's what i'm looking forward to next! i'll be home from december 28-january 3, and it will be a short, but oh so sweet, visit.

lots of thoughts and feelings returned when kala'e was here....it made me really think about the last four years and how much we've changed in little ways, and how much we're still the same people. i fell back into the comfort of what we had four years ago, and i know that it can't ever be that way if we were together again. and i knew that. which was a good thing. because i finally asked him if we could talk about us, what happened, and what he's thought about over the past few years. we plan to continue this conversation while we're both at home, and i really hope we can work things out once and for all. i feel really bad about the way things ended, and there are little things about him that i miss, but there are also things about him that i don't miss, and changes that we've both gone through that (i think) need to be discussed before we can move on and become better friends. i don't know if i want to be in a relationship with him again, but i do know that i want to clear the air before we move on to the next parts of our lives and we never get a chance to talk.

and as much as i think i'd like to be in a relationship right now, i know that i'm not ready for it. there are too many variables in the picture right now, and i know that i'm not capable of being enough for someone. i really haven't had a lot of time to myself in the last few years, and i think that everything that's happened up to this point has proved that i'm ready to be single. i think i could go on dates, but i know that a relationship will be too much for me and too much for the guy involved. i'd feel really bad. i have enough on my plate as it is, and it's time to focus on me for a while.

in other news, nanea is moving to the cape! she will be stationed at woods hole at the end of january, and will be here for the next four years!!!! she called me on friday to tell me, and i'm so excited! that means that i will be here for the next four years....wow. i'm really excited to see her when i get home, and i can't wait to hang out with her on the east coast!

well, i guess that's it. i've been itching to write for a few days now, but i was too tired to write. i think i've recovered from the crazy-awesome weekend with the family, and i can't wait to go home and celebrate the new year with them. hooray for family and friends!

23 days until i'm home for the new year.

-me : )

November 15, 2005

writing just because

so, i feel like writing now. i should be doing work, but i'm not. oh well.

this morning i fought with the coffee maker. i think it knows that i haven't ever made coffee before using this particular one. and it likes to make me look bad when i need to make coffee for a meeting for my boss. and it did. i'm' not a coffee drinker, i'm an espresso drinker; it's so much easier to make because it doesn't take a bazillion scoops of grounds to make a cup of coffee. i know it doesn't take a bazillion scoops, but it's something that i don't really do. grr. and my boss got mad that we didn't have milk. i'm supposed to be able to be in two places at once....right. i don't think so. i get the warning that we need coffee about 10 minutes before everyone is supposed to arrive, and then i'm supposed to have everything ready before they come. i just wish people thought things through and let me know in advance so i'm not trying to race around on my bum knee getting things ready at the last minute.

at least the morning started out much better than it evolved into.

i woke up later than usual with much thanks to sharing a bed and the sun not shining through my window. anywho, i left the apartment at 8:15, hopped on a third bus that was approaching packard's corner, and easily transferred to a train at kenmore....then i went to dunkin' donuts for a large iced mocha (yum!) and quickly hopped on a bus to the museum....all of that took me about 30 minutes! hooray for smooth traveling. and the morning went downhill quickly....

but, that's all said and done, and all i can do about it now is write and vent and make the most out of the rest of my day. which means finding some time for myself to relax and unwind for a bit. so, i'm writing.

i guess i should mention my bum knee. i tore my left acl in our second game on friday at nationals. it was a big bummer, and as much as i'm glad that it happened at nationals, i really felt that this was our year to make our run. just because everything was setup for us to upset teams that were seeded above us, and just because we worked so freakin' hard this season to bring our team together. goo. so, i have surgery lined up for monday, january 9 at noon, and until then, i'm going to physical therapy with jenn at bu to strengthen my knee and bring it back to near full strength.

it's so weird to think that this is my first major injury EVER. i was lucky to stay healthy throughout high school and college, and i can't believe this happened to me now. seriously. i keep telling myself that the next eight months will test my character and strength, and as much as i'm looking forward to that, i'm also scared about surgery and starting all over again. i've never been in as much pain as i was last thursday when jenn stretched my knee for the first time. it was so painful that i cried. and i've never really cried over pain. so, yesterday, while i was on the t riding to physical therapy, i had surgery anxiety. i thought about the fact that i'm going to start from scratch, and i'm going to endure a lot of pain. and i'm not sure that i'll be able to do that. and all i wanted was my knee to heal so i didn't have to fix my knee and everything was just a crazy dream. then i got off the t and walked into the fitrec and realized that my torn acl is a reality, and this is what it is. i can be a wimp or i can be diligent and work through it and know that this will only make me stronger. but all i really wanted at that moment is to be at home in hawaii where everything would magically be okay. honestly, i'm terrified of starting all over again. but then i think about my mom and all the pain she endured, and how she fought until the very end. at least i have another chance to heal, get stronger, and continue with my life. this is a minor obstacle, and i must remind myself of how lucky i am that i will be able to recover from this injury and get another chance to play ultimate again. that if my mom were here, she'd be around to support me and push me to get better. but she's still around. and that's what keeps things in perspective. she's testing my internal strength. thanks mom for reminding me that life's not as easy as it's been for me. : )

....i'm really good at keeping myself in check and trying to stop myself from complaining about something as minor as my knee. it could be worse.

in other news....thanksgiving is two weeks away, and lori, brad, naleisha, and kala'e will be in town. yes, kala'e. he's actually coming to boston for thanksgiving. this is going to be an interesting weekend. i'm looking forward to hanging out with my family and friends and attempting to cook a turkey. haha. anywho, i know i'll be sure to write about that.

i guess that's it for now. i've vented and can proceed with my day. things could be worse.

oh, one more thing: a list of things i need to do before next week:

-clean my room
-clean the apartment
-do laundry

okay, i'm done writing. time to find something to do.

-me : )

October 21, 2005

five days 'til sarasota

i'm listening to my "pump up" mix and thinking about nationals....trying to sort out the thoughts running through my mind so i can create and focus on goals for the tournament. i want to play well. i want brute squad to play well. i want all of our hard work over the season to come together and show everyone that brute squad is here. it's so exciting to think about it.

i guess i'll start sorting out my thoughts....

what i want to do at nationals:
-play smart, hard d throughout the tournament
-sky people for the disc
-be confident in myself and my teammates
-support my teammates
-give it my all in every game i play
-play within myself -- make smart decisions on o and d, and never doubt myself
-remain competitive, but realistic throughout the tournament (remind myself that being at nationals is an amazing experience, and that i should enjoy it a little)
-have fun playing ultimate
-enjoy the last tournament of the season
-watch my friends play (soooo many of them will be there!)
-take LOTS of pictures (yay)

....that's the list of things i can come up with right now, but i'm sure i'll come up with more things and goals for next week. but, i'm cutting this short; it's time to go home.

i can smell the fields in sarasota. six days 'til the first pull.

-me : )

October 18, 2005

nine days 'til nationals

yes, brute squad qualified for nationals. we also beat godiva along the way, which was nice. the seedings came out and here's our pool:

backhoe (2)
schwa (7)
brute squad (10)
bait (15)

....yeah, so that's really awesome. we have a chance for a couple of upsets....or just winning our pool. which would be soooooo amazing. and i know we can do it. it's up to us to take it. i'm very pumped. hooray!

oh, did i mention that twisted metal and slow white qualified for nationals? well, they did. and they did it convincingly. sarasota is going to be lots of fun; i'm really excited. not just because my friends in boston will be there, but also because my friends from all over the country will be in sarasota playing ulitimate, hanging out, and enjoying the awesome weather that is florida (as long as a hurricane doesn't come). literally, in eight days, i will be on an airplane landing in tampa, florida, and driving to our condos with my teammates. i'm pumped.

until then, i countdown the days until it's time to play, stare at the names of teams we're going to play, think about the opportunities brute squad has at nationals, and mentally prepare myself to play out of my mind. if we can show up for thursday, and take those wins, it would be huge. but, it will be a team effort, and i hope everyone is just as psyched as i am.

tonight i run the last track workout (i think) of the season. i reflect on the three months that i've trained, practiced, sacrificed....all for the love of my teammates and of the sport. and i look forward to the four days in florida where anything can happen and will happen because a team of determined women will embrace those last four days, and make it the best four days of this season.

it will be awesome. brute squad is here. there's no looking back.

eight days 'til sarasota; nine days 'til nationals.

-me : )

September 28, 2005

another two months....

i'm horrible. seriously. i don't do anything with my life except work, play ultimate, train for ultimate, eat (when i'm not exhausted), and sleep. how has it been two months since i've last posted anything on this blog....grr. i will be better at this.

by the way....do you like the new layout? i think it's fun. : )

anywho, it's september 28. two weeks until regionals. a little over a week since i've been working full-time here at the mit museum. i'm the administrative assistant. i get to hang out at a museum all day, i have my own office, i try to keep my boss organized, and i'm on the other side of the river! it's been a great two months here, and i really do look forward to coming to work everyday because there are always new things and meetings my boss wants to go to that don't fit in his schedule. he's a busy guy who was just appointed to the position in july (the new director), and the museum staff is in the midst of drafting another five-year strategic plan while tending to daily museum business. it's a lot of fun.

i'm going to ramble on today because there are so many things that i haven't written about. mostly, i'll be writing about ultimate stuff because it has been my life since august. brute squad started up in august, and it's been a good time. we traveled to maryland and california for pre-season tournaments before the club series started up two weeks ago. we finished second to godiva (again....grr) and are looking forward to regionals in a little over a week. this season is different for me for the following reasons: 1) i'm not in college anymore; 2) i've been playing with the majority of this team for two seasons; 3) i firmly believe that brute squad has so much potential to raise up to the first tier of elite women's teams in the country; and 4) i want to become a better all-around player. with these four things on my mind at practice every weekend, i want to push everyone to want to get better and to want our team to be better. but, i realized, that even though i work hard, at this level, it's up to the individual to make that commitment and to want to be better. so, i encourage those who listen, and i challenge my teammates who want to get better. did that make any sense? i don't know. anywho, regionals is the next stop, and it could be our final stop for the season. however, the northeast region lucked out this year and got the size wildcard. lucky us. that means we have three bids to nationals. but that doesn't change my goal: to win our region. if we finish third, i will be very unhappy. but, we can only control what we can do, so i'm leaving it up to myself to go out there and work hard and to get the job done. yups, i don't think i made sense in the last sentence, either.

and now the bi-monthly update on life: ha. fun times. life is good. i'm happy with where i am and what i'm doing. lori and brad will be visiting for thanksgiving. i hope to go home for the winter holidays. i'm quickly realizing that if i want something, i have to get it myself. i like the fall because the air is cool and crisp and i get to wear sweaters, hoodies, and pants without having to think about it. hooray.

random ultimate thought: the first-ever brute jeopardy is taking place this friday night. it's going to be so much fun. i get to be alex trebek (but i will submit clues, too). brutes will hang out and get to know each other. it was betty's idea. i think it was a fabulous idea to bond with one weekend left before regionals. i'm really excited.

hmm....i honestly thought i'd have more to write right now, but i guess i don't. it's a really nice day here in cambridge, and i'm looking forward to the agility workout tonight with the lovely brutes.

happy hump day!

-me : )

July 27, 2005

los huxtables 2005 (back to front in some orderly fashion): drew, alex, carmello, jasper, steve, austin, colburn, piper, rosie, allison, julie, me, and erin Posted by Picasa
piper and tamara Posted by Picasa
piper, schmidty, me, and shari Posted by Picasa
the huxtables at dinner on saturday night, part 2 Posted by Picasa
the huxtables at dinner on saturday night, part 1 Posted by Picasa
o-pig 2005 (back to front, l to r): tim, jenny, marshall, robin, dave, margalit, mark, tony, brandon, jack, adam, rebecca; (row 2) molly, andrew, ryan (scales), jason, ken, mike, steve; (row 3) ryan morgan, beth, kerry, sarah, kayla, me; (row 4) kevin; missing: charlie, frances, connor, andrew mangan Posted by Picasa
me and the boys Posted by Picasa
jason is eiffel towered by marshall and tim fizzle Posted by Picasa
mark, rebecca, and kevin Posted by Picasa
roy and me after the water gun fight Posted by Picasa
tim fizzle and kerry Posted by Picasa
chicken and mangreen Posted by Picasa
tamara and me Posted by Picasa
sarah smizzle and kayla Posted by Picasa
scales and jenny fizzle Posted by Picasa
jack, mike, and tony Posted by Picasa
beth and chicken Posted by Picasa
kevin and andrew getting intimate Posted by Picasa
tim fizzle and ryan....so sexy! Posted by Picasa
rebecca and me Posted by Picasa
the harvard boys: jack, mark, charlie, and ken Posted by Picasa
o-pig represent! Posted by Picasa
robin, ryan, and dave Posted by Picasa
margalizzle, tony, and josh Posted by Picasa
margalizzle, jeremy, steve, and kayla Posted by Picasa