writing just because

so, i feel like writing now. i should be doing work, but i'm not. oh well.

this morning i fought with the coffee maker. i think it knows that i haven't ever made coffee before using this particular one. and it likes to make me look bad when i need to make coffee for a meeting for my boss. and it did. i'm' not a coffee drinker, i'm an espresso drinker; it's so much easier to make because it doesn't take a bazillion scoops of grounds to make a cup of coffee. i know it doesn't take a bazillion scoops, but it's something that i don't really do. grr. and my boss got mad that we didn't have milk. i'm supposed to be able to be in two places at once....right. i don't think so. i get the warning that we need coffee about 10 minutes before everyone is supposed to arrive, and then i'm supposed to have everything ready before they come. i just wish people thought things through and let me know in advance so i'm not trying to race around on my bum knee getting things ready at the last minute.

at least the morning started out much better than it evolved into.

i woke up later than usual with much thanks to sharing a bed and the sun not shining through my window. anywho, i left the apartment at 8:15, hopped on a third bus that was approaching packard's corner, and easily transferred to a train at kenmore....then i went to dunkin' donuts for a large iced mocha (yum!) and quickly hopped on a bus to the museum....all of that took me about 30 minutes! hooray for smooth traveling. and the morning went downhill quickly....

but, that's all said and done, and all i can do about it now is write and vent and make the most out of the rest of my day. which means finding some time for myself to relax and unwind for a bit. so, i'm writing.

i guess i should mention my bum knee. i tore my left acl in our second game on friday at nationals. it was a big bummer, and as much as i'm glad that it happened at nationals, i really felt that this was our year to make our run. just because everything was setup for us to upset teams that were seeded above us, and just because we worked so freakin' hard this season to bring our team together. goo. so, i have surgery lined up for monday, january 9 at noon, and until then, i'm going to physical therapy with jenn at bu to strengthen my knee and bring it back to near full strength.

it's so weird to think that this is my first major injury EVER. i was lucky to stay healthy throughout high school and college, and i can't believe this happened to me now. seriously. i keep telling myself that the next eight months will test my character and strength, and as much as i'm looking forward to that, i'm also scared about surgery and starting all over again. i've never been in as much pain as i was last thursday when jenn stretched my knee for the first time. it was so painful that i cried. and i've never really cried over pain. so, yesterday, while i was on the t riding to physical therapy, i had surgery anxiety. i thought about the fact that i'm going to start from scratch, and i'm going to endure a lot of pain. and i'm not sure that i'll be able to do that. and all i wanted was my knee to heal so i didn't have to fix my knee and everything was just a crazy dream. then i got off the t and walked into the fitrec and realized that my torn acl is a reality, and this is what it is. i can be a wimp or i can be diligent and work through it and know that this will only make me stronger. but all i really wanted at that moment is to be at home in hawaii where everything would magically be okay. honestly, i'm terrified of starting all over again. but then i think about my mom and all the pain she endured, and how she fought until the very end. at least i have another chance to heal, get stronger, and continue with my life. this is a minor obstacle, and i must remind myself of how lucky i am that i will be able to recover from this injury and get another chance to play ultimate again. that if my mom were here, she'd be around to support me and push me to get better. but she's still around. and that's what keeps things in perspective. she's testing my internal strength. thanks mom for reminding me that life's not as easy as it's been for me. : )

....i'm really good at keeping myself in check and trying to stop myself from complaining about something as minor as my knee. it could be worse.

in other news....thanksgiving is two weeks away, and lori, brad, naleisha, and kala'e will be in town. yes, kala'e. he's actually coming to boston for thanksgiving. this is going to be an interesting weekend. i'm looking forward to hanging out with my family and friends and attempting to cook a turkey. haha. anywho, i know i'll be sure to write about that.

i guess that's it for now. i've vented and can proceed with my day. things could be worse.

oh, one more thing: a list of things i need to do before next week:

-clean my room
-clean the apartment
-do laundry

okay, i'm done writing. time to find something to do.

-me : )