it's been a busy, but slightly unproductive day at the office. i spent most of my morning trying to schedule internal meetings....with very little success. thank goodness i work eight-hour days. when i wasn't trying to schedule meetings, i was trying to do other work in the office (process invoices, create purchase orders, organize my desk, etc.). a little stressful for a monday. well, probably since i haven't had a busy monday in weeks. so, i guess it wasn't so bad.
this afternoon brought even better news: the date for my second surgery (cleaning of the knee and tendon "repair") has been set....friday, september 8. time still to be determined. lucky me. even luckier is the fact that i have my pre-surgery physical tomorrow morning at 10:30. first thought when i heard the news: it's going to happen so soon? (stomach drops to the bottom of the earth) i guess i'm just nervous about it because the first one didn't go "as planned." but, the doctor knows what he's fixing, so i shouldn't worry so much. as jasper said, "take it one day at a time." exciting.
i've taken this entire ordeal "one day at a time" and i thought i was improving. i'm just frustrated that i am sort-of "starting all over again" and that i'll be in lots of pain and all that fun post-surgery craziness. i freak out more than i should. i'm lame.
so, yeah, surgery is on friday, september 8. that's in....18 days. i'll stay positive so my body will react positively to the surgery and everything will go smoother than it did the last time around. at least i get to go to santa cruz for the labor day weekend. and a red sox game on labor day. two fun things to do before surgery. should be lots of fun.
that's the news for today. time to call it a day. almost.
-me : )
August 21, 2006
August 18, 2006
actually doing work
what a morning (thank goodness it's already 2:15)! i spent most of it sending e-mails, coordinating schedules, and transcribing notes i took at a meeting yesterday. thank goodness i got through all of that.
as a reward, i spent the last hour browsing through facebook and myspace, checking my non-work e-mail, and thinking about what i should eat for lunch. fun times. i still haven't decided on lunch yet. hmm.
oh, and yesterday was siona's birthday. and we went out for dinner/drinks at sunset with the summer pilots/slow white crowd. that was fun. i was drunk, but not stupid drunk like girls' night last thursday....wow, what a night that was. sober----->drunk in less than 2.5 hours. not gonna do that again. i hope.
i guess my random thought for today is that september is right around the corner. i'm losing three roommates, but gaining a super-awesome roommate; moving on from a very important and crazy relationship; getting ready for surgery #2; and trying really hard to find time for myself. it's going to be an interesting two weeks as all of this change happens because things have been the "same" for a long time. hooray for being vague.
here's my attempt at not being vague: steve and i are really calling it quits at the end of this month. he's moving out, we're not together (and we haven't been for a while now), and we're really getting out of each other's lives. i know it will be a strange transition for me, but we agreed that this is what needs to happen in order for each of us to be ourselves. we've been known as "steve and beth" for so long now that we've really become one person. we know each other too well, and we each don't have room to "breathe," so to speak. neither of us are ready to be in a long-term relationship, and right now, i'm not ready to deal with the person he's become. so, we're going our separate ways, only to cross paths when it's inevitable (that sounds a little harsh, but it's the truth), and really finding out who we are apart from each other. we'll see what happens when september rolls in....
a tangent to this topic: a few days ago, i went back to the beginning of this blog and read through the stuff i wrote three years ago. at that point in my life, i was with mike, and we were going through a rough time of miscommunication. and i wrote about how much steve was an amazing friend, my best friend, and that we were able to communicate really well. i vividly remember my excitement upon his visit to boston during that summer, and how much things were really working well between us. i wasn't afraid to write about how frustrated i was with my situation with mike, but i held back (in future posts) about how things were really going with steve. even though i got to the point where i was able to tell steve exactly what i was thinking/feeling about our situation, i never really addressed it here. and finally, i can admit that i was afraid that he would over-analyze what i was thinking if i wrote about it here. and that's not fair to me. it's my little piece of the blog world when i can just write, and anyone (i think) can read my stuff. and i should be okay with that. and i am finally okay with it.
restraining myself from writing here what i thought/felt about steve's and my situation caused me to lean on friends and family for support/help as i dealt with this situation. thank you friends for being awesome. you don't even know how much you helped me.
....i don't think any of this makes sense right now, but i don't really care. i just want to say that i will write about anything that comes up here, and if it offends anyone....that's just me. i can't deny myself the opportunity to express myself just because i'm afraid that someone will take offense to it. that's just lame of me. and not fair to the other party(ies) involved. so, yeah, that's all i have to say about this.
so, today is my random stream of thoughts day. and now i'm tired of typing, so i'm going to stop here. thank goodness it's friday.
miki is now in iowa. yes, iowa.
-me : )
as a reward, i spent the last hour browsing through facebook and myspace, checking my non-work e-mail, and thinking about what i should eat for lunch. fun times. i still haven't decided on lunch yet. hmm.
oh, and yesterday was siona's birthday. and we went out for dinner/drinks at sunset with the summer pilots/slow white crowd. that was fun. i was drunk, but not stupid drunk like girls' night last thursday....wow, what a night that was. sober----->drunk in less than 2.5 hours. not gonna do that again. i hope.
i guess my random thought for today is that september is right around the corner. i'm losing three roommates, but gaining a super-awesome roommate; moving on from a very important and crazy relationship; getting ready for surgery #2; and trying really hard to find time for myself. it's going to be an interesting two weeks as all of this change happens because things have been the "same" for a long time. hooray for being vague.
here's my attempt at not being vague: steve and i are really calling it quits at the end of this month. he's moving out, we're not together (and we haven't been for a while now), and we're really getting out of each other's lives. i know it will be a strange transition for me, but we agreed that this is what needs to happen in order for each of us to be ourselves. we've been known as "steve and beth" for so long now that we've really become one person. we know each other too well, and we each don't have room to "breathe," so to speak. neither of us are ready to be in a long-term relationship, and right now, i'm not ready to deal with the person he's become. so, we're going our separate ways, only to cross paths when it's inevitable (that sounds a little harsh, but it's the truth), and really finding out who we are apart from each other. we'll see what happens when september rolls in....
a tangent to this topic: a few days ago, i went back to the beginning of this blog and read through the stuff i wrote three years ago. at that point in my life, i was with mike, and we were going through a rough time of miscommunication. and i wrote about how much steve was an amazing friend, my best friend, and that we were able to communicate really well. i vividly remember my excitement upon his visit to boston during that summer, and how much things were really working well between us. i wasn't afraid to write about how frustrated i was with my situation with mike, but i held back (in future posts) about how things were really going with steve. even though i got to the point where i was able to tell steve exactly what i was thinking/feeling about our situation, i never really addressed it here. and finally, i can admit that i was afraid that he would over-analyze what i was thinking if i wrote about it here. and that's not fair to me. it's my little piece of the blog world when i can just write, and anyone (i think) can read my stuff. and i should be okay with that. and i am finally okay with it.
restraining myself from writing here what i thought/felt about steve's and my situation caused me to lean on friends and family for support/help as i dealt with this situation. thank you friends for being awesome. you don't even know how much you helped me.
....i don't think any of this makes sense right now, but i don't really care. i just want to say that i will write about anything that comes up here, and if it offends anyone....that's just me. i can't deny myself the opportunity to express myself just because i'm afraid that someone will take offense to it. that's just lame of me. and not fair to the other party(ies) involved. so, yeah, that's all i have to say about this.
so, today is my random stream of thoughts day. and now i'm tired of typing, so i'm going to stop here. thank goodness it's friday.
miki is now in iowa. yes, iowa.
-me : )
August 17, 2006
emc2 thought for august 15
yes, so i know it's not august 15, but i've been busy at work and have not turned the pages of my emc2 calendar in a couple of days. but i did find an interesting thought/quote about memory (which is something i've been thinking about for the last week):
"memory is what we are ultimately made of. that memory needs an organization that comes from our personal visiono--yes with thoughtful filtering lenses, ears with our own frequency, and finally, brains of velcro tuned to our personal interest connections." -richard saul wurman, information anxiety2, 2001, p. xxxviii.
i've thought a lot about my memory and myself over the last two weeks because it's interesting to hear myself tell the same stories about my childhood and my family to my friends. why do i decide to share those stories? why do i find them representative of myself and my family? why are they my "favorite" stories about my family? and what do these stories represent?....anywho, i don't really feel like answering these questions right now, but i hope to find some time to think about them soon.
in other news, miki leaves for iowa today. i should call her before she leaves. hope it all goes well. it's kinda crazy to think that my dad and youngest sister will be the only ones living at home for the next four months....we're growing up!
speaking of growing up....why do i get stuck in the same situation time and time again? is it because i haven't "grown up"? is it because i'm too stubborn to look past the bad things, and insist that there is good in all situations? and why do i put my friends in potentially bad situations when i know that it'll be bad from the beginning?....just another set of questions that i'd like to answer soon. once i settle in to the ultimate season, i think i'll be able to calm myself down, focus, and figure this out.
more random goodness....i went to see doctor foster yesterday for not-so-good news. i got a third set of mris last thursday because he wanted to check out my progress. it seems that the scar tissue hanging out on the front of my knee has adhered to the patella tendon and has, as a result, lifted the patella tendon from my tibia. because this is not what's supposed to happen, doctor foster said that he needs to open my knee (isn't that cool?), remove all the scar tissue in and around my knee, and repair the patella tendon (which, i think, means reattaching the tendon to the tibia (probably with a screw)). details about the recovery time, pt, pain, and all that so-called "good" stuff have not been discussed. well, except that he wants to do this as soon as possible, and that it will probably happen during the first week of september. hopefully, i'll have pictures to post after surgery. exciting!
my initial reaction to this news was frustration. and some tears. but, i realized that i really couldn't be upset....at least we know what's wrong and there's a way to fix it. and that the only way i'm going to get through this little obstacle is to be patient, determined, and optimistic. i've experienced unhappiness and frustration, and it didn't help me get out of this rut. i have friends and family who care, and knowing that they're there will continue to motivate me to push through the (potential) pain and tears and not-so-good times. but, as i said before, once i'm through all of this, i'll be able to look back and say, "i did it. i didn't give up on myself. my family and friends have helped me get through this, and i am stronger because of it." again, though, i have to remember to take this one day at a time. there is no "fast forward" in life.
i guess that's it for now. i should try to be productive. probably going to multitask my way through the day.
there are lots of stuff on my mind. exciting.
-me : )
"memory is what we are ultimately made of. that memory needs an organization that comes from our personal visiono--yes with thoughtful filtering lenses, ears with our own frequency, and finally, brains of velcro tuned to our personal interest connections." -richard saul wurman, information anxiety2, 2001, p. xxxviii.
i've thought a lot about my memory and myself over the last two weeks because it's interesting to hear myself tell the same stories about my childhood and my family to my friends. why do i decide to share those stories? why do i find them representative of myself and my family? why are they my "favorite" stories about my family? and what do these stories represent?....anywho, i don't really feel like answering these questions right now, but i hope to find some time to think about them soon.
in other news, miki leaves for iowa today. i should call her before she leaves. hope it all goes well. it's kinda crazy to think that my dad and youngest sister will be the only ones living at home for the next four months....we're growing up!
speaking of growing up....why do i get stuck in the same situation time and time again? is it because i haven't "grown up"? is it because i'm too stubborn to look past the bad things, and insist that there is good in all situations? and why do i put my friends in potentially bad situations when i know that it'll be bad from the beginning?....just another set of questions that i'd like to answer soon. once i settle in to the ultimate season, i think i'll be able to calm myself down, focus, and figure this out.
more random goodness....i went to see doctor foster yesterday for not-so-good news. i got a third set of mris last thursday because he wanted to check out my progress. it seems that the scar tissue hanging out on the front of my knee has adhered to the patella tendon and has, as a result, lifted the patella tendon from my tibia. because this is not what's supposed to happen, doctor foster said that he needs to open my knee (isn't that cool?), remove all the scar tissue in and around my knee, and repair the patella tendon (which, i think, means reattaching the tendon to the tibia (probably with a screw)). details about the recovery time, pt, pain, and all that so-called "good" stuff have not been discussed. well, except that he wants to do this as soon as possible, and that it will probably happen during the first week of september. hopefully, i'll have pictures to post after surgery. exciting!
my initial reaction to this news was frustration. and some tears. but, i realized that i really couldn't be upset....at least we know what's wrong and there's a way to fix it. and that the only way i'm going to get through this little obstacle is to be patient, determined, and optimistic. i've experienced unhappiness and frustration, and it didn't help me get out of this rut. i have friends and family who care, and knowing that they're there will continue to motivate me to push through the (potential) pain and tears and not-so-good times. but, as i said before, once i'm through all of this, i'll be able to look back and say, "i did it. i didn't give up on myself. my family and friends have helped me get through this, and i am stronger because of it." again, though, i have to remember to take this one day at a time. there is no "fast forward" in life.
i guess that's it for now. i should try to be productive. probably going to multitask my way through the day.
there are lots of stuff on my mind. exciting.
-me : )
August 15, 2006
today's thought from the emc2 calendar
i have a daily desk calendar from emc2, a tech company, on my desk. everyday, i get a new fact, quote, thought on it, and for the last 8 months, the things that have been said were pretty boring.
august, on the contrary, has provided some interesting stuff. here's the fact for august 9, 2006 (last wednesday):
"the average worker does not return to the task he or she was doing prior to interruption for 25 minutes after the distraction, a behavior partly attributed to the worker's constant shifting between multiple windows on the computer screen. research shows that 40 percent of the time workers ramble along a different tangent when an interruption ends because their short-term memory has been disrupted." -thompson, new york times, october 16, 2005
i think this face justifies my procrastination/multitasking. maybe.
anywho, just wanted to share a random fact about focus/disruption.
hooray distractions?
-me : )
august, on the contrary, has provided some interesting stuff. here's the fact for august 9, 2006 (last wednesday):
"the average worker does not return to the task he or she was doing prior to interruption for 25 minutes after the distraction, a behavior partly attributed to the worker's constant shifting between multiple windows on the computer screen. research shows that 40 percent of the time workers ramble along a different tangent when an interruption ends because their short-term memory has been disrupted." -thompson, new york times, october 16, 2005
i think this face justifies my procrastination/multitasking. maybe.
anywho, just wanted to share a random fact about focus/disruption.
hooray distractions?
-me : )
August 13, 2006
pictures from miki's graduation (finally)
the family....we're growing up!
lori and miki
me and miki
nikki and miki
August 03, 2006
north carolina!
i'm writing just because i haven't written in a while, so it's going to be a short post.
brute squad officially begins its season this weekend in winston, nc, at backhoe's winston cup. tournament format is scramble (done by a computer program), weather forecast says chance of thunderstorms, and, well, that's pretty much it about the tournament for now. i'm the subbing person this season, and i'm prettying up my statsheets for an exciting weekend. i'm also crashing at becky's (a former ozone pilot, bu '06 who recently moved to winston-salem for work) new place on sunday night (since i couldn't get a flight out until monday morning). so, i look forward to a good time in the south.
in other news, i just read the most recent posts on my blog that fit on the first page....it's been an interesting three months, and yet, i'm still on the path that i decided for myself three months ago. hooray me!
pt is going well: i now am allowed to jog for up to 20 minutes. i'm in the weight room "lifting," and i have fun outdoor exercises to do when i don't go to pt. i've taken the initiative to workout as much as i can because it will only strengthen my body. and i need all of it, since i haven't done much physical activity since....the end of last october. sad. only sometimes, though. because i've been able to do more, my attitude and confidence has improved. it's amazing to think of what you can do when you just put your mind to it.
speaking of "putting your mind to it"....i've got to get my work/career goals set and see if i can take a class this fall (probably non-credit) to gear myself back up for school, and determine if/when school is part of my career path. thank you self for reminding me. i'll get to that next week when i return to the office. (scribbles down note for self on post-it; sticks said post-it to computer screen)
so, i guess that's it for now. i could write more, but my fingers are tired from typing (thank you friends who send me e-mails!), so i'll end it here before i start to develop carpel tunnel (knocks on wood).
tonight's agenda: dinner with jac and her fam, laundry with jac, hanging out with kree, brute, and metal in cambridge, and then home to pack for the weekend.
ultimate makes me happy.
-me : )
brute squad officially begins its season this weekend in winston, nc, at backhoe's winston cup. tournament format is scramble (done by a computer program), weather forecast says chance of thunderstorms, and, well, that's pretty much it about the tournament for now. i'm the subbing person this season, and i'm prettying up my statsheets for an exciting weekend. i'm also crashing at becky's (a former ozone pilot, bu '06 who recently moved to winston-salem for work) new place on sunday night (since i couldn't get a flight out until monday morning). so, i look forward to a good time in the south.
in other news, i just read the most recent posts on my blog that fit on the first page....it's been an interesting three months, and yet, i'm still on the path that i decided for myself three months ago. hooray me!
pt is going well: i now am allowed to jog for up to 20 minutes. i'm in the weight room "lifting," and i have fun outdoor exercises to do when i don't go to pt. i've taken the initiative to workout as much as i can because it will only strengthen my body. and i need all of it, since i haven't done much physical activity since....the end of last october. sad. only sometimes, though. because i've been able to do more, my attitude and confidence has improved. it's amazing to think of what you can do when you just put your mind to it.
speaking of "putting your mind to it"....i've got to get my work/career goals set and see if i can take a class this fall (probably non-credit) to gear myself back up for school, and determine if/when school is part of my career path. thank you self for reminding me. i'll get to that next week when i return to the office. (scribbles down note for self on post-it; sticks said post-it to computer screen)
so, i guess that's it for now. i could write more, but my fingers are tired from typing (thank you friends who send me e-mails!), so i'll end it here before i start to develop carpel tunnel (knocks on wood).
tonight's agenda: dinner with jac and her fam, laundry with jac, hanging out with kree, brute, and metal in cambridge, and then home to pack for the weekend.
ultimate makes me happy.
-me : )
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