a new year

2006. i can't believe it's 2006. lori turns 20 in a couple days, and in a little less than two months, i turn 23. crazy.

i don't remember what i last wrote about, but i figured it's time to write. it's been an interesting beginning to 2006, and i'm hoping that everything works itself out in the end. let's begin....

i celebrated the new year with my family in hawaii....that was awesome. i was home for six days, but i definitely made the most of my trip. i spent time with the family and went out with friends, ate at a few of my favorite restaurants, relaxed in the warm hawaii weather, and spent some time reflecting on my life right now. i'm sorry to those of you i didn't see while i was home; i should be back in late may/early june to watch miki get her high school diploma....that's going to be crazy. : )

i returned to cold, wintry boston on the 4th and spent the rest of the week at work. i caught up on the work i missed while i was gone, and was able to get everything ready for the following week when i would be out for acl surgery and recovery.

the morning of january 9th rolled around: i got up, showered, and rode down to boston medical center, which was where the surgery took place. surgery check-in went smoothly, and i went up to the operating room. i told doctor foster that my knee had not reached full extension in the last two months, but he wasn't worried and the anesthesiologist proceeded to "put me under," as they say. and that was at 11:40 a.m.

i woke up at 1:40 p.m. in the recovery room. i was a bit groggy, my leg felt a little tight, and i was a bit surprised that i had been asleep for just two hours when the attending nurse came over to my bed. she said, "you have a cast on....but it's rare that this happens." she lifted the blanket to show me my left leg, and, yups, you guessed it, i was in a full hip-to-ankle cast. i worried a little and started to cry; the nurse brought over a few tissues and paged doctor foster. doctor foster eventually appeared and explained why i was in a cast....it's called arthrofibrosis. lots of scar tissue formed in and around my knee since the injury in october, and because it (arthrofibrosis) could potentially affect the range of motion in my knee, he decided that it was in my best interest not to insert a new acl.

....and that's how it's been for the last week. i was in a cast until tuesday, and i've returned to the roadrunner brace that i've been wearing for the last two months. it's time to "aggressively rehab the knee" and take this interesting and RARE situation day by day. there's talk that i won't need surgery if my knee is stable enough after months of rehab, and there's talk that if i ever want to play elite ultimate again, i will need a new acl.

it's so frustrating to not know what's going to happen in a few days, weeks, or even months. it's also frustrating that i may need to have surgery again, and that i may not play ultimate this fall. it's frustrating that i could spend an entire year working my leg back into shape only to find out that i, once again, must start over.

i know it's not me to be pessimistic, but i don't think i'm being a pessimist. i think i'm being realistic about the situation, and that's all i really can do. this is my first major injury, and it's turning out to be a lot more than i expected. all i do know is that i want to play with brute squad again, and i want to be stronger, faster, and quicker than i was before the injury. i want it so badly that it makes me cry. grr.

i don't know what to think anymore. i had a marvelous 2005, and i'm really lucky i was able to play lots and lots of ultimate. i can't wait until i'm able to play lots and lots of ultimate again. until then, i must be patient with myself, and i must take my rehab one step at a time.

here ends the vent. i don't want to think about this anymore.

there have been better days.

-me : )