caffeine

well, it's 2:37 a.m., wednesday, july 23, and i'm still awake after another 14-hour work day. stupid me: i thought i would be cool and consume a venti chocolate brownie frappuccino from starbucks at about 8:45 p.m. oh well. the game was delayed an hour and a half, so i didn't want to fall asleep while at the store. so, during my dinner break, i went over to starbucks on newbury street (where alison, one of the pa's in the office works) and picked up two frappuccinos: one for me, and one for molly. i drank mine in less than a half hour (which is normal), and i was on a caffeine buzz since then. luckily, the game went quickly, and i finished around 11:25 p.m. oh, and because i'm not assigned to accompany parents to marche's tomorrow night, i'm going to work at the souvenir store. hooray!

on my way to starbucks, i checked my voicemail. and to my surprise, i had a voicemail from steve! so, i called him back, and we're going to talk tomorrow (he has the day off). that made my night. customers were being quite fiesty tonight, and i wasn't having a good time. customers on yucky, humid, rainy days like today, aren't happy people. boo to them. yay to best friends who make me happy. : )

i look forward to each morning because it's one morning closer to hanging out with my best friend. i don't think i'll stop talking about steve until we hang out in three weeks. we've had our ups and downs over the past two years, but he's been my best friend through it all, and it is amazing. i'm not sure what we'll do during those two days he's here, but i feel that we'll probably catch up on our lives and discuss important issues between us and the next two years of our lives. i'm just excited to be able to talk with him face-to-face again. let's just hope that i don't get too excited and poop myself out before he comes.

another random thought: i've been avoiding mike for the past few days because i'm kind of mad about what happened last week. he got mad (or at least that's what i thought) at me for bringing desserts from marche's for everyone at the apartment, and through a chance comment, he told me that he was going to hang out with his friends at the cape this weekend. i know that i worked a whole lot this weekend, but i told him this when i planned it. maybe he planned the cape outing a long time ago and told me, but i forgot (which is probably the case), or he was planning to tell me later. either way, it made me upset that he didn't tell me his plans until i accidentally brought up the subject of the weekend. i've been pretty good with keeping him informed about my daily happenings, and i'd like the same in return. i guess i didn't tell him that. my mistake.

----oh, and for those of you who don't know, mike is the guy i'm currently dating (he was our captain for our ultimate team for the past two years, and he just graduated from bu. he's going to upenn in the fall for grad school for physics).----

maybe i just misunderstood him, or maybe it's my fault for not communicating well with him at all this summer. i just feel intimidated when i'm around him, and i watch the words that come out of my mouth when i'm talking with him. i don't know what he's thinking, and i'm not trying to figure it out, but i'm just not comfortable talking about everything with him. we usually talk about the same things over and over again: work, ultimate, and family matters. i don't think we've talked about "us" at all this summer except at the beginning (when i explained what i wanted out of this summer between he and me). i can take full blame and say that i'm just not good at communicating my thoughts with him; that i've kept a lot inside of me and have not been as open with him as i should be; or that i think that he'll criticize whatever comes out of my mouth. it's probably a mix of all of them, and i'm mostly to blame. i should be able to tell him whatever's on my mind, but i keep it inside hoping that it will all go away and things will get better....yeah, right. i should have remembered from the experiences of this past school year. oh well, i screwed up....again. maybe this time around i'll learn something....that'll be the day. this is just a cycle that i go through with him during the second and third months that we date; it's happened three times now. and i haven't learned. boo for me for being selfish, stupid, and inconsiderate. i guess we have to talk about "us" at some point.

i think i've vented enough about this situation for tonight. session 6 starts in seven hours, and i have to be at the office in six. hooray for wednesdays!

chocolate brownie frappuccinos make me happy.

-me : )