everything can't go well during a three-day weekend

and of course, my three-day weekend ends with a conversation with steve. the result of this conversation: we are not talking. geez, i'm now not talking with one of my best friends, but two! oh wait, i decided to talk with one of them last night, and now i'm back to just one.

too much was said tonight/this morning to be repeated here, so i'm just going on a whim and saying that i obviously screwed up again. word to me. i'm probably being selfish and not thinking about how he feels, and not being careful about what i say or how i say things. i made an inappropriate comment tonight while we were discussing jerseys for the team. i didn't think it was inappropriate at that time because it was just my opinion. i didn't think any less of him or anything of the sort, i just reacted to his comments. unfortunately for me, that was a bad idea because he was disappointed that his best friend was attacking his beliefs. and i wasn't. i was reacting to the situation i had been placed in regarding these jerseys, and it didn't make me feel good to be put under such pressure by my teammates. i guess i have to learn how to deal with these situations better. so my reaction was bad. and i received an IM from steve sharing his disappointment in me. and i'm cool with that. he's entitled to his opinion of my action, and i'm entitled to speak my mind. simple....but not really. anywho, we talked and argued, and we're not on good terms now. oh well. this needed to happen sometime. it's not like we haven't been through this cycle before. and i'm glad he's taking time to himself to figure out (at least this is what i think he's thinking about....i won't really know unless he decides to talk to me again) if it's really worth being my friend. i know i've put a lot of people under a lot of stress when dealing with me, and i can completely understand if they don't want to talk to me because i am a difficult person to handle. but i am trying to figure myself out. that's another topic for another time.

that was that, he's "remarkably hurt and frustrated" with the conversation we had. finally, he's beginning to see it the way i've viewed our conversations over the last two years. i accept his points of view and who he is, and i'm not going to try to change him anymore. i'm not in control of his life, he is. i'm in control of my life, and that's what i'm going to direct my attention to. i've lacked control of my life for the last two and a half years, and i want to get a hold on it before it runs away from me.

with that said, i'm going to take control of this blog and call it a night. i've got to get up in two hours to lift at case....good thing i'm doing an upper body workout.

lori called tonight....i'll write more about that later. when i'm taking a break from homework.

reading and a quick nap to start the school week.

-me : )